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When I was young I would always watch the Macy's parade and feel so sad. I loved the parade itself but when ever they would show all of the happy families lining the streets watching it would sting. A lot. I would wish for a happy family who I accepted and who accepted me but it didn't come. There was always this feeling that I had somehow been placed in the wrong family. And ever since I was little I had to care for myself and them emotionally. I had to be the adult.
But this year it is really sinking in that I got my wish. And although they are not technically my "blood" and I don't share their last name (YET) I am so grateful today for David and his family. Today we will be at one family member's bakery and there should be about 25 smiling people. Like the faces watching the parade all shiny and giddy from togetherness. We'll eat and share and then play games. All of the younger cousins are in their twenties so it is always fun.
I haven't really talked to my own mother and step father in about four years. They chose to keep drinking. But today I am thankful to truly be someone's daughter. This time by choice. They will never know what it means. I'll do my best to explain it.

Happy Thanksgiving to all. Give someone you love a hug for me.
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...you should only be allowed to complain about one season. ONE.

I am sick of all these pansies who complain year round. Seriously. Today while waiting to catch th u bus to work I watched as people winced in the cold. Yeah yeah, it was 10 degrees out. But here in Minneapolis that is early Spring like weather. These are the same people who complain when it gets to be Summer and is humid. Wah! And you should see these people, wearing their scarves before it is necessary. Soon their bodies will be immune to the scarf's warmth before it is even below freezing out.

That being said, I will be sadly retiring my stay puff Winter coat this year because it makes me look fat(ter). And lord knows I don't need that. Anyway, I found the coat I want but am somewhat stalled in buying it. I don't know why. Maybe it's because my Winter coat has carried me through all the Winters I have endured here so far. It has kept me warm and happy. Maybe it's because my new coat is expensive.

All is well in the Munk/Bergreen household. I am almost done with my job with just three more weeks to go and I am excited for a little free time and a change of pace. I am very excited to be a full time student and work only part time. I am excited to meet new people. Then, on December 30th Ericka is coming to visit from California for a whole week. She'll be here to celebrate my 30th birthday! Unlike many people I am happy to be leaving my twenties behind. They were wonderful in so many ways and taught me I could make it through ANYTHING. But I am ready for a more settled life. I am ready for some smooth sailing.
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May has been good. Really. I went to see Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova perform live at the Orpheum. Top five shows of all time. He came out on stage with his guitar blazing..."Can you guys hear me? All the way up there can you guys here me?" He starts singing the song the movie opens with, without the mic. Everyone was silent and in awe and he and "Mark" as he continually referred to her are incredible musicians. A week later I saw KT Tunstall whose music I am only slightly familiar with. She is also incredible although some of her songs are a bit dull to me. Her voice is amazing no matter what she sings.
Mother's Day came and went. My mom sent me an email a few days before which said "Happy Mother's Day." Either a passive aggressive move or possibly she was just wishing me a happy day just like she did when I was growing up. She'd always give me a gift on Mother's Day saying "I wouldn't be a mom without you." I didn't miss her this time. She doesn't deserve communication from me. She's shown that again and again. I guess I sort of realized when I was with David's mom that day that nothing will ever remove the sadness I have felt about my family for so long. But I can fill those spaces with happiness. And that's the choice we continually make in life. Happiness or not. I am part of a family now, one that lets me be my authentic self. And that is something I have not experienced in many years. Family.
Things with David are splendid. We are getting ready to move July 1st. And we both have nine days off at the end of June so we're hoping to get moved and still have time/money to take a trip up north for a few days. It's one of those make or break situations---living together, and I think it's a make. I think I have my husband on my hands. Love.
So many changes coming up and they all bring a smile to my face. When I start school in the fall I will have four semesters until I have my degree. I'll be almost 31 when I finally have it. And it will open so many doors and give me such a sense of completion. My best friend Matt (who has known me for going on 17 years) said that he is proud of me for doing this and for some reason that inspired me even more. Another change is that he will be moving to Atlanta in June. Yes, I have convinced myself that Georgia is closer than California. It is cheaper to fly to Atlanta from Minneapolis, that's for sure. I am excited to go and visit him in a new place. I am excited for a new place for him. He doesn't know just yet just how much he needs it.
Some of my relationships have changed dramatically since I moved to Minneapolis. One friendship has almost disappeared. Mainly because I've known her for ten years and for most of that time she has been in a drug cloud and is now into new drugs because the old ones got boring. My life in California seems so distant in some ways. I am a Minnesotan now. I feel midwestern and not west coastish. And I don't know that I could ever revert. This is a fantastic city. And if I could bring everyone I love here I would. But I can't. And that is part of growing up. Leaning on yourself a little more every day.
My job continues to be completely hilarious. My clients are so unique and so human. And working at a dating service has made me hope that I am never a 43 year old, divorced with a kid count of 3. That would suck. Hard. But I finally have a good attitude toward the job and the company. And I love Stacy and Melissa, who laugh with me all day every day.
Things are good...if only I could FINISH my FUCKING novel.
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Infinite lines

The way that can be experienced is not true;
The world that can be constructed is not true.
The way manifests andd that happens and may happen;
The world represents all that exists and may exist.
To experience without intention is to sense the world;
To experience with intention is to anticipate the world.
These two experiences are indistiguishable;
Their construction differs but their effect is the same.
Beyond the gate of experience flows the way
Which is ever greater and more subtle than the world.

-Tao Te Ching, verse 1

This came from a book I am reading called The Tao of Writing which I am reading instead of writing. This makes perfect sense.
It also speaks (once you read it at least five times) to our human nature. It speaks loudly to me today.

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The fact that Jaime has suggested that I dress up as Frida Kahlo is among the single funniest visuals I can possibly imagine. The fact is that I am white. Real short. And real round. I do not have a unibrown.
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Yes. In fact, I will.
This thing was supposed to be about my first Winter here but I need to talk about what summer brings. If only just this once.
First off...Twin Cities residents can certainly stand a cup of calm the hell down regarding baseball. Yes. Baseball is a favorite American past time for many. And I get it. It's fun and there are hot dogs and giant beers and little kids who are soooo excited. But wow, calm down people. And once the Twins started doing well it was bananas!
That being said, there is so much to do here in the summer it is almost unreal. Whereas in other places conditions are mild year round it is cccccccccc o l d here for so many months out of the year that once summer gets here people literally live outside. There are art festivals, water festivals, 10,000 lakes (yes, literally), outdoor movies, concerts and of course...THE STATE FAIR. Yet another thing people can turn their burners to low about. It's coming up starting this weekend and "You haaaaaaaaaaave to goooooooooooooooooooo it's the best fair ever!" I am looking at them thinking: listen, don't I LOOK as though I get my fair share of fried goods? I may go but it may be too muggy for my liking. Which brings me to my next paragraph.
My liking for muggy conditions doesn't exist. Yet I am forced to cope with them. It will be cloudy and a cool seventy degrees. And humidmuggyick. Sweating while waiting for my morning bus = no thanks. Somehow, I love this place. I am a midwesterner. Always have been at heart.
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Yes! I slipped on some black ice in the middle of the street on Sunday! Isn't that fantastic. The best part was that it had to be no more than eight degrees out. The other best part was the part where I had things in BOTH hands and hence broke my fall with my H-E-A-D. That's right. My head. If I need to prove it to anyone, I will be able to easily do so. I have no cuts, scrapes or bruises. I do have a sprained left knee (which means I can now say I have a "bum knee"). Why no evidence of a fall?!? Well, readers, it's because I FELL ON MY HEAD. And the people who came to help me up...they didn't know that I had a head injury. So they told me to get up. Good advice seeing as I was in the street. But, in my concussion filled haze I decided I should walk the M-I-L-E back to my house. I now know one of the roots of homelessness. People get head injuries and then decide to stroll. They never return home. Anyway, I walked the entire way in the snow, freezing with my head pounding and vision blurring and in and out of consciousness. The goose egg on my head was growing and growing. I get home to find Mo not there and really didn't know what to do. I thought I was pretty hurt. So I put some ice on my head and then fell asleep. It got better and has continued to get better but the neck and knee injuries are in tact. But somehow, after all of this, I still heart Winter.
And to Mr. guy who helped me up, next time...ask what happened.
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Funny my friend Liese back in Sacramento should mention it. Because I think my jacket DOES have super powers! The thing is almost TOO WARM. Or, I am some variety of hottie that makes it so I am melting inside the jacket?!? No, no, most certainly not. The jacket is just soooo warm. I'm looking at people around me who look cold and I'm thinking "You look cold." Uh, okay, bad joke. I'm thinking "Would you like me to accompany you while you shop for a jacket? Apparently my skills in picking them are excellent! And, I've never even had to pick out such a jacket before." Then I'm thinking "Wow, I'm talking to people in my mind. Multiple people at times." Then I'm thinking "Now I am talking to myself about talking to other people in my mind." Um...
Current Mood:
hot hot
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Welcome, readers, to I Heart Winter! Here I will describe my adventures during my first Winter in Minnesota. Let me begin with ordering an iced beverage at Starbucks this morning at 7:50 when it was 10 degrees outside.
Me: Grande non-fat iced white mocha please.
Guy: Iced?
Me: Yes. Iced.
Guy: You're going to walk OUTSIDE with that?
Me: Yes, yes I am.
Internal dialogue: I am wearing a stay-puff down jacket, nothing can touch me.
As guy hands it to me: Okay, here you go, thanks. And, good luck.
Me: Thanks. Have a good day.
Internal dialogue: Weather pansie. Why doesn't he move to California where its warm?
Current Mood:
amused amused
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